Getting Old

Today I saw an elderly man with a cane....walking much the same as the person is in this picture......and later on I went to a Craft Fair and saw a little magnetic refrigerator magnet which read, "Never complain about growing old. Far too many didn't have the privilage."

I nearly lost it when I read those words. Sweet Sue never will grow old......

....she passed far too soon.

I don't know....

I don't know if there's any truth to the saying that when a loved one passes their spouse goes home shortly afterward. I hope it's not true in this case. Sue's husband has been in the hospital and I just found out today.

He is in my thoughts and prayers tonite. I cannot imagine his pain and sorrow and now with his health problems becoming worse.

Sue and he had such an amazing marriage. Never were two people more in love with each other. Their affection was obvious. Some souls just belonged together....and their two did.

It's Been a Month

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since Sue passed. Time escapes so quickly. And as much as we would wish it so, it never comes back. When a loved one passes, they don't come back either. A co-worker told me today that her daughter said "God made a mistake when He took Sue."

I wanted to say, "yes, He did."....but I realize that God never makes a mistake or gives us more than we can bear. I've beared alot of pain in the silence of my soul since Sue passed. I don't think anyone has hurt more than me, except for her beloved family. As deep as my pain, it is only a small measure to compare to theirs.

I wish so badly that Sue was still here. I wish we had enjoyed her birthday yesterday and I wish that we had enjoyed a day of work together today. I wish that we could laugh, cry, argue, sing, and just share the same air space again. What I wouldn't give to hear her voice once more or see her coming in to work with a smile on her face and a Reader's Digest to give me, because she always got two in the mail instead of one.

I miss Sue. It has been a month and my heart is still broken in many pieces.

I am very sad.........very.

Birthday

Today Sue would have been 53. I miss her. I wish she was still here so we could have had a great day working together, eating cake and laughing our cares away.

Happy Birthday, Sue. I miss you.

Bucket Head

Today was a rough day at work. Every scammer on the planet came in to do fraudulent returns. If Sue would have been here, we would have had a hey day for sure.

As I was walking to the back of the store I was overwhelmed by such a feeling of saddness. I thought to myself. "There's nowhere for the talk to go too anymore." Sure, I talk to people at work and it's a friendly environment....but.......without Sue it's just not the same. We would laugh and joke about everything, and she would often put the scammers in their places....and she'd get away with it.

I felt so sad when I went to lunch. As I sat down with the other Associates, the television show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" was on. I wasn't really paying attention to it...until the host, Meredith called the contestant a "Bucket Head."

Sue went through a phase where she called me and alot of people 'bucket heads' (Usually when we did something silly). It was funny when she did it and I never took it personally. I laughed right along with her.

I almost started crying when I heard the word "bucket head" come over the tv. It was without a doubt, Sue letting me know that she was still very much with me at work....every inch of the way and seeing all that was going on. She was there and I could talk to her any time....even if she couldn't answer me in the way she did when she was here.

What I wouldn't give to hear her voice calling me a "Bucket head" again. But maybe she did through the television. No 'maybes' about it......it was her!

Making Her Presence Known

Went to work yesterday as usual. It was my Monday which is never any fun...and worse too because I knew that Sue wouldn't be there............or would she?

When I came around the corner to my work station there was a huge artificial sunflower in a shopping cart and facing me! I thought, "hmmmm, now that's interesting." Sue loved her sunflowers and there was this big one to greet me as I started my day.

Then....even stranger.....I walked to the counter to count in my drawer and there was a stack of Gift Cards unlike any I had ever seen before. They were covered in sunflowers and had a little packet of seeds on them so that one could actually plant a sunflower!

Without a doubt, Sue was making her presence known to us yesterday. It was impossible not to see the signs or to ignore them. Sue was and still is well loved and missed so much. And we are all saddened that she is not here to be with us, laugh with us or sing her crazy songs with us. Bittersweet those sunflowers were...........knowing Sue was still there as best she could be, in spirit and with love!

About Anger

This morning at work one of my coworkers was thinking about our friend Sue. She came over to where I was working and very heartfeltly said to me, "I don't ever want to get angry or mad at anyone ever again." It was the tone of her voice that resonated in me and I thought about what she said all day. People always say that you shouldn't let the sun go down on your anger, and we say it so much that we probably don't even think twice about even doing it. But maybe we need to take a second look at that phrase. Maybe we should think about how we are so quick to anger and find fault with other people. We just get mad, utter a few unkind words under our breath and wish them all sorts of ill will....and all because we are angry. Anger should certainly be a 'four-letter-word' because it sure isn't a good word. We don't like it when we feel that someone is treating us in an angry or rude manner. So why is it that we are so quick to do it to someone else? Are we any better than the person we are treating so badly? NO! I must admit that I am guilty of being angry. I've been angry alot and uttered unkind words under my breath and wished people all sorts of ill will ('specially if I encounter a bad driver on the road!)....but when my coworker said today, with such a sweet, humble humility about herself, that she 'never wanted to be angry' with anyone again, it really made me examine my own heart alittle more closely...and I'm not so happy with what I see there. Sue left this earth so quickly that none of us had the chance to even say good-bye. In a moment, in an instant she was gone, and she is not able to come back to us. It pains me so deeply that I can't work with her anymore or sing our crazy songs, or watch each other grow older together, and I am so angry that I could drive to the highest mountain, just to scream my lungs off an anything that moved up there. But I can't do that. I think that my coworker came to the realization this morning at how precious and dear all life is, whether we agree with someone or not. She never wanted an unkind word to fall from her mouth toward anyone....because you just never know when that person will be taken away and you won't have a chance to take back what you said. My coworker doesn't know how close she almost brought me to tears this morning. I wanted to lash out at my own feelings of anger and tell them to be gone and to never come back. I don't ever want to be unkind to anyone ever again or say cruel words under my breath or get mad. But the truth is, I probably will, just as my coworker will too. It's human nature......but maybe, just maybe, before we think, say or do something unkind we will stop for a moment and remember Sue....and remember that she was a friend to all, not just some, but to all. She wouldn't want the things that we said or thought about someone to be in anger.....because just as she was taken so quickly, so could they. Life is so precious and sweet.....and it is meant to be lived in peace and harmony. When we express anger in any form we are not living to our best potential and we should stop and think about it for a moment.....because one never knows when that will be our last thought on this earth.

For a Moment We Were Children

For a moment we were children
Dancing in the rain
For a moment we shared laughter
And forgot our worldly pain
For a moment we were children
And let the water drench our souls
We laughed and danced together
And it didn't matter who watched!
-------------
This afternoon at work I was coming back to my work area and I noticed how the wind was blowing outside. I could smell that familiar clean smell in the air when one knows that a rainstorm is coming. The essence of the sweet air reminded me of a time about a year ago when I was working with Sue and a drenching downpour began. There was thunder and lightning and buckets of rain coming down. The wind was blowing and you could feel the excitement and majesty of mother nature in all of her glory. I looked at Sue and said, "Do you wanna go outside and get wet?" She said, "Sure".....so we headed for the door and then out it. And for a few moments we stood in the rain, turning around and laughing together. Customers and other coworkers looked at us like we were nuts.....but we knew we weren't. For a moment we recaptured our childlike joy....we were children again and enjoying a great moment in that chilling down pour. It didn't take long to get completely drenched......but we came back in the store all smiles and it was well worth it to shiver for the next couple of hours! I'll never forget spending this sweet moment with my friend and I am thankful for the sweet smell of the air today that took me back to a memory that made me cry and smile at the same time.

A Choice of Friends

Yesterday I received a thank you card from Sue's husband. Contained in it was a lovely message which brought me to tears. He mentioned how he always liked Sue's choice of friends.....but how she really out did herself when she picked me. What he doesn't realize is that it was me that really picked the good one. To be Sue's friend was an honor. To have her gone has proven the most difficult thing I've ever faced in this life........she will be missed forever.