Today is your son's birthday

Dearst Sue,

Today is your son's birthday, the first without his lovely mother to celebrate with him. I tried to email him, but the email came back. Perhaps he isn't online anymore. I hope that I hear from him sometime......sooner rather than later.....I know that he missed you today, his special day....because I missed you.

I miss singing Christmas carols with you at this time of year, the more off-key, the better, but all in grand fun.

I miss you girlfriend. Wherever you are tonite, I hope you know that.

Love,

Heart

Just one thought...just one word......

Sweet Sue

It's so hard to believe how the months are flying by....yet your presence is still missed so very much. Today as I was sitting outside of work, something caught my eye. No. It wasn't a flock of birds singing amazingly. Rather it was one lone bird. A very large Crane. It flew around the top of the building and then landed atop a high light pole. It sat there for the longest time with great curiosity, looking at all of the humans below. I couldn't help but think about you and how you loved your birdies and how your phone would chirp loudly when you had an incoming call. You are missed at work. People still think of you, talk about you and wish that you hadn't left us so quickly. I know that you are safe with Tom now and enjoying the beauty of Heaven and are ever aware of us here below.

Your son's birthday arrives in a few days. It will be his first birthday without his Mother or Tom to share it. You should be very proud of him, for he is handling his life with all of the grace and dignity that you instilled in him. Still I know that it will be difficult for him. I miss you so I can only wonder how deep his loss must feel.

We love you, Sue. You will never be forgotten and will always be missed.

With love,

Your Friend

Not Forgotten

Yesterday I was doing some cleaning and decided to tackle the drawers of a dresser I have that was cluttered with all kinds of papers. I came across a Christmas card from my friend, Sue....where she wrote. "Here's to a better 2007". I sat there for awhile and reread her words and thought about how much I wish I could go back to 2007. For if I could, my friend would still be here. To have her gone still feels incomprehendable. I expect any day to get an email from her or to see her come in to where we worked together and shout a "Hi Penny" to me. There is such an abrupt silence when a person we loves goes away. I sat there and looked at this beautiful card that Sue took the time to get for me and to sign a few words to me on.....and I smiled. Smiled because I knew that in that moment she was with me the only way she could be, in spirit and in love.

I miss you, Sue. You were such fun. You left way, way, way, too soon.........but I know that you have Tom with you now and that you are both smiling from Heaven. You both will never be forgotten, ever!

Not Forgotten

So many days have past

And tears begin to dry

Still I wonder for

The reason you said good-bye

I know it wasn't easy

To pass from here to there

But as time goes by so swiftly

We think of you up there

And wish for longer time with you

To see the sky or morning dew

You took the step to Heaven

And oh gosh, to see the view!

written by Heart

6/8/08

Copyright

Time Heals

It's so strange how the passage of time.....never stops, not even for a moment. It has been two months since our sweet Sue passed away. So fast this time has passed. I miss her every day, and often touch the 8x10 photos of her on my wall and tell her hello. But I do feel my soul healing from the deep pain of her loss. Perhaps blogging and crafting has filled the empty places where our emails and conversations used to be. I wish she were still here because I miss her so. As I go through this disease in my body....I wish she were here to talk with and to make me forget about it for awhile. You are gone, dear friend, but not forgotten. You are with me in my heart......and I want to thank you for the many times you have shown me that 'this' life is not the end.....I love you for it.

Getting Old

Today I saw an elderly man with a cane....walking much the same as the person is in this picture......and later on I went to a Craft Fair and saw a little magnetic refrigerator magnet which read, "Never complain about growing old. Far too many didn't have the privilage."

I nearly lost it when I read those words. Sweet Sue never will grow old......

....she passed far too soon.

I don't know....

I don't know if there's any truth to the saying that when a loved one passes their spouse goes home shortly afterward. I hope it's not true in this case. Sue's husband has been in the hospital and I just found out today.

He is in my thoughts and prayers tonite. I cannot imagine his pain and sorrow and now with his health problems becoming worse.

Sue and he had such an amazing marriage. Never were two people more in love with each other. Their affection was obvious. Some souls just belonged together....and their two did.

It's Been a Month

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since Sue passed. Time escapes so quickly. And as much as we would wish it so, it never comes back. When a loved one passes, they don't come back either. A co-worker told me today that her daughter said "God made a mistake when He took Sue."

I wanted to say, "yes, He did."....but I realize that God never makes a mistake or gives us more than we can bear. I've beared alot of pain in the silence of my soul since Sue passed. I don't think anyone has hurt more than me, except for her beloved family. As deep as my pain, it is only a small measure to compare to theirs.

I wish so badly that Sue was still here. I wish we had enjoyed her birthday yesterday and I wish that we had enjoyed a day of work together today. I wish that we could laugh, cry, argue, sing, and just share the same air space again. What I wouldn't give to hear her voice once more or see her coming in to work with a smile on her face and a Reader's Digest to give me, because she always got two in the mail instead of one.

I miss Sue. It has been a month and my heart is still broken in many pieces.

I am very sad.........very.

Birthday

Today Sue would have been 53. I miss her. I wish she was still here so we could have had a great day working together, eating cake and laughing our cares away.

Happy Birthday, Sue. I miss you.

Bucket Head

Today was a rough day at work. Every scammer on the planet came in to do fraudulent returns. If Sue would have been here, we would have had a hey day for sure.

As I was walking to the back of the store I was overwhelmed by such a feeling of saddness. I thought to myself. "There's nowhere for the talk to go too anymore." Sure, I talk to people at work and it's a friendly environment....but.......without Sue it's just not the same. We would laugh and joke about everything, and she would often put the scammers in their places....and she'd get away with it.

I felt so sad when I went to lunch. As I sat down with the other Associates, the television show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" was on. I wasn't really paying attention to it...until the host, Meredith called the contestant a "Bucket Head."

Sue went through a phase where she called me and alot of people 'bucket heads' (Usually when we did something silly). It was funny when she did it and I never took it personally. I laughed right along with her.

I almost started crying when I heard the word "bucket head" come over the tv. It was without a doubt, Sue letting me know that she was still very much with me at work....every inch of the way and seeing all that was going on. She was there and I could talk to her any time....even if she couldn't answer me in the way she did when she was here.

What I wouldn't give to hear her voice calling me a "Bucket head" again. But maybe she did through the television. No 'maybes' about it......it was her!

Making Her Presence Known

Went to work yesterday as usual. It was my Monday which is never any fun...and worse too because I knew that Sue wouldn't be there............or would she?

When I came around the corner to my work station there was a huge artificial sunflower in a shopping cart and facing me! I thought, "hmmmm, now that's interesting." Sue loved her sunflowers and there was this big one to greet me as I started my day.

Then....even stranger.....I walked to the counter to count in my drawer and there was a stack of Gift Cards unlike any I had ever seen before. They were covered in sunflowers and had a little packet of seeds on them so that one could actually plant a sunflower!

Without a doubt, Sue was making her presence known to us yesterday. It was impossible not to see the signs or to ignore them. Sue was and still is well loved and missed so much. And we are all saddened that she is not here to be with us, laugh with us or sing her crazy songs with us. Bittersweet those sunflowers were...........knowing Sue was still there as best she could be, in spirit and with love!

About Anger

This morning at work one of my coworkers was thinking about our friend Sue. She came over to where I was working and very heartfeltly said to me, "I don't ever want to get angry or mad at anyone ever again." It was the tone of her voice that resonated in me and I thought about what she said all day. People always say that you shouldn't let the sun go down on your anger, and we say it so much that we probably don't even think twice about even doing it. But maybe we need to take a second look at that phrase. Maybe we should think about how we are so quick to anger and find fault with other people. We just get mad, utter a few unkind words under our breath and wish them all sorts of ill will....and all because we are angry. Anger should certainly be a 'four-letter-word' because it sure isn't a good word. We don't like it when we feel that someone is treating us in an angry or rude manner. So why is it that we are so quick to do it to someone else? Are we any better than the person we are treating so badly? NO! I must admit that I am guilty of being angry. I've been angry alot and uttered unkind words under my breath and wished people all sorts of ill will ('specially if I encounter a bad driver on the road!)....but when my coworker said today, with such a sweet, humble humility about herself, that she 'never wanted to be angry' with anyone again, it really made me examine my own heart alittle more closely...and I'm not so happy with what I see there. Sue left this earth so quickly that none of us had the chance to even say good-bye. In a moment, in an instant she was gone, and she is not able to come back to us. It pains me so deeply that I can't work with her anymore or sing our crazy songs, or watch each other grow older together, and I am so angry that I could drive to the highest mountain, just to scream my lungs off an anything that moved up there. But I can't do that. I think that my coworker came to the realization this morning at how precious and dear all life is, whether we agree with someone or not. She never wanted an unkind word to fall from her mouth toward anyone....because you just never know when that person will be taken away and you won't have a chance to take back what you said. My coworker doesn't know how close she almost brought me to tears this morning. I wanted to lash out at my own feelings of anger and tell them to be gone and to never come back. I don't ever want to be unkind to anyone ever again or say cruel words under my breath or get mad. But the truth is, I probably will, just as my coworker will too. It's human nature......but maybe, just maybe, before we think, say or do something unkind we will stop for a moment and remember Sue....and remember that she was a friend to all, not just some, but to all. She wouldn't want the things that we said or thought about someone to be in anger.....because just as she was taken so quickly, so could they. Life is so precious and sweet.....and it is meant to be lived in peace and harmony. When we express anger in any form we are not living to our best potential and we should stop and think about it for a moment.....because one never knows when that will be our last thought on this earth.

For a Moment We Were Children

For a moment we were children
Dancing in the rain
For a moment we shared laughter
And forgot our worldly pain
For a moment we were children
And let the water drench our souls
We laughed and danced together
And it didn't matter who watched!
-------------
This afternoon at work I was coming back to my work area and I noticed how the wind was blowing outside. I could smell that familiar clean smell in the air when one knows that a rainstorm is coming. The essence of the sweet air reminded me of a time about a year ago when I was working with Sue and a drenching downpour began. There was thunder and lightning and buckets of rain coming down. The wind was blowing and you could feel the excitement and majesty of mother nature in all of her glory. I looked at Sue and said, "Do you wanna go outside and get wet?" She said, "Sure".....so we headed for the door and then out it. And for a few moments we stood in the rain, turning around and laughing together. Customers and other coworkers looked at us like we were nuts.....but we knew we weren't. For a moment we recaptured our childlike joy....we were children again and enjoying a great moment in that chilling down pour. It didn't take long to get completely drenched......but we came back in the store all smiles and it was well worth it to shiver for the next couple of hours! I'll never forget spending this sweet moment with my friend and I am thankful for the sweet smell of the air today that took me back to a memory that made me cry and smile at the same time.

A Choice of Friends

Yesterday I received a thank you card from Sue's husband. Contained in it was a lovely message which brought me to tears. He mentioned how he always liked Sue's choice of friends.....but how she really out did herself when she picked me. What he doesn't realize is that it was me that really picked the good one. To be Sue's friend was an honor. To have her gone has proven the most difficult thing I've ever faced in this life........she will be missed forever.

To Everything There is a Season

Empty is how I feel

As your passing becomes more real

If I could have asked God why

He took you to the sky

Perhaps He'd give this reason

That to everything a season

A time to be born and a time to die

I just wish I could have said good-bye

Shining Star

A star shines bright in Heaven
Throughout the dark of night
A star that glows more radiant
As it burns with Holy Light
A star shines in it's glory
To remind us of God's love
That this life is but a whisper
To all that waits above

Coming to the Garden

A precious friend shared this photograph with me. It comes from Pennsylvania....where the beauty and the tranquility of such a sacred structure is an inspiration to all who see it. I asked her if I could use this on Sue's tribute and she graciously said yes. You don't see churches like this in Las Vegas. I don't think there's so much as one. As I looked at this picture it reminded me of that sacred, older hymn, about coming to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses....and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.......my sweet friend is enjoying the sweet smelling gardens in Heaven, where the roses are more fragrant and the sky is a deeper blue....and the mountains stretch as far as the eye can see in all of their glory. She came to the garden alone, just as we all must do, and in the blink of an eye Heaven was opened to her in all of its amazing glory. I can't imagine how spectacular the view is.....or how peaceful and serene......just as lovely as a beautiful white church in the Pennsylvania countryside!

To The Better Place

God took you to the better place

Away from worldy care

God took you to His loving arms

And brought you safely there

He said you journey was complete

And your mission on earth done

He took you to the better place

By light of morning sun

For the Birds

Sue used to bring her cell phone to work. Instead of the normal ring or ringtone when it went off, it sounded like a bunch of birds in her pocket. We always used to chuckle about it, as she stepped away from the counter to talk to her son or husband for a moment. Some time ago she used to sing this silly song with another coworker about 'Flying birds over the ocean....' and always off key but always amusing.

The day of Sue's passing another coworker and I were standing at the Courtesy Desk and remembering how Sue's phone would go off and the sounds of birds making us chuckle. We got some customers and went back to work, when all of a sudden the loudest bird chirping you ever would hear came from across the store by the check outs. My coworker looked at me, and said, "Did you hear that?" I said, "Sounded like birds." Just a few moments later it happened again, as LOUD as you could imagine, the chirping of birds! We both knew that Sue was letting us know that she was alright and that she was safely on the Other Side. It was a great comfort to hear those birds chirping, even though it was just some guy making bird calls and one of the most difficult days of my life. After Sue's memorial service we were walking away and the loudest Mocking Bird began to squawk from the top of a nearby tree. I looked around the entire cemetary and there were no other birds visable in the trees...only the one by her gravesite, and he was singing at the top of his lungs. I snapped his picture and had to stop and watch him for a moment.....as he was a reminder to me and to all who heard him that Sue was with us and always would be!

Grief

As strange as this might sound, coming from a 54 year old woman, I guess that I should count myself lucky, for I have lived this long and never truly experienced the grief and loss of someone that I loved. Sure, my father is gone, and my mother too, but we were never close. I've lost all of my grandparents whom, I loved, although most I never knew. I think of them and love them, despite the distance between our hearts. But this time things are so different. I have lost not only a coworker, but a friend whom was my friend away from the job as well. She called me every day when I was recently in the hospital to check on me, and when I was able to come to work, she brought me yellow flowers. When I had a hypoglycemic episode at work, she came to work with a medic alert bracelet, that I still wear today. She and I emailed back and forth when we were not at work, and had the best of times when on the job. We sang, we worked, we fought, and we laughed. Yesterday morning when I opened the Courtesy Desk where we worked, I took a moment to look at the register next to me that she used to operate. I looked at the empty space that she used to occupy and the floor that she used to stand on. I never saw such emptiness as this in my entire life. The pain of her loss is very very deep. It cuts to my soul and pierces my heart like no other pain I have ever felt in fifty four years on this planet. Sue meant so much to every person who was privilaged to ever know her. It didn't matter if you were black, white, asian, native, short, tall, fat, thin, Catholic, Mormon, Jew, or Christian. Sue cared about everybody unconditionally. She was the best friend I will ever have in my entire life and although I know for a fact she is safe and on the Other Side, it still doesn't ease the pain of not having her here anymore. I'll never forget one of the last times I had with her. We were at work. And I don't know what made me do this. We didn't have anymore customers......and something made me 'look' at Sue. I simply turned and looked at her, silently, from head to toe, without a real thought about it. I just looked at her as if my soul was prompting me to do so. Perhaps it was. Perhaps my soul knew that Sue would be leaving soon and it didn't want to forget how great she looked and how wonderful she was. I just can't believe that for the rest of my life she won't be here......that is the difficult part....that is the 'grief' that I have never experienced before and that is a very tough thing to deal with.

3.29.08 Written for Sue

I search the sky for answers
And the quiet space you filled
I'm not sure why you had to leave us
But it was what our God had willed
You will forever be remembered
By your friendship sweet and dear
And as I live through each new day
I'll wish you were still here

You are missed

Yellow Fingerprints from Heaven

Today a coworker shared a story with me about how she got up to come to work this morning and on her car were a bunch of yellow fingerprints. She said she felt that Sue had place them on her car to remind her of their friendship.

Yellow was Sue's favorite color and she often wore it. She was buried in her favorite yellow t shirt and surrounded by gifts and mementos from everyone who loved her.

In reality the yellow on my friends car was pollen that was falling from the trees here, but why it attached itself only to the fingerprints is beyond either of us to understand.

But we both knew that it was Sue who put her hands upon that car and touched it with the golden yellow of the streets that are paved with gold and from Heaven itself.

We are very thankful for those yellow fingerprints because they reminded us both that love never dies.....it lasts forever....and ever....just like a friendship as strong as we shared with Sue.

Somewhere in Heaven

On March 19th, 2008, my best friend passed away. She was only 52 and was loved so much by everyone we worked with. She and I worked together doing customer service and worked just a couple of feet away from each other. I miss her so much. We lay her to rest on Wednesday, March 26, 2008 in a beautiful Memorial Park here in Las Vegas.

It is so unfair to lose someone so young and who touched the lives of everyone she met.

I have created this BLOG as a loving tribute to the most amazing human being I think that I will ever meet.......sweet Sue.......I miss you so much.

Somewhere in Heaven there is a star that shines the brightest, and that's because it's you and you are there and watching over all of us.